Anniversaries
by JoeMerl
Summary: Zim's daughter Amethyst wants a birthday party, but Zim just doesn't see the point. Oneshot, birthday present dedicated to Invaderzimfannumber1. Past Zim/OC.


**Hello, my fellow fanfic people. This is just a little (well, actually kinda long) one-shot I threw together to celebrate Invaderzimfannumber1's birthday today. While it features or mentions events and characters made up for her own stories, I have tried (hopefully successfully) to provide enough background that anybody reading this can have a basic understanding of what's going on, so I hope you enjoy. (Especially you, IZFan#1! Happy birthday!)**

**And P.S.: Yes, I know I spelled the name of a certain popular website wrong. But you see, that's how IZ karactors lurn to spel it in skool.**

* * *

"But _Da-ad..._"

"Silence, Amethyst! I will hear no more of your...back-talkiness! I am your father and I have spoken. _SPOKEN!_"

Amethyst crossed her arms sullenly, making a face. "But it's not _fair! _Why can't _I_ have a party? Everybody else on this stupid filthy planet gets to celebrate _their_ birthday."

"Yes, well, that's part of what makes this planet stupid and filthy," Zim muttered as he climbed over the rim of the kitchen toilet. "And I don't want another word about this, do you hear me? This discussion is _FIN-IIISHED!_"

He pointed at the ceiling dramatically before flushing himself down into the lower levels of the base. As he descended he sighed, and a moment later he stepped off the elevator into the vast metallic hallway.

"Okay, Dad, just hear me out."

"_Agh!_" Zim jumped, suddenly finding Amethsyt standing beside him. He raised an eyelid. "...How did you get down here...?"

"I've been doing research, and absolutely _every _kid in my class who's had a birthday this year has thrown a party! Paige, Meef, Rosco...even the Gaz-hyuman's stupid father threw _her_ a party, and she didn't even _want _one!"

"Yes, and I'm _your _father and don't want one. What is your point?" Zim asked testily, moving down the hallway with his daughter in hot pursuit.

"I'm saying that if we _don't_throw a party, then the filthy hyumans are going to get all suspicious! And it doesn't even have to be a party, Dad! All I'm asking for is a sleepover! We can invite over Paige and---"

"---and have her here? In our base? _MADNESS!_" Zim screamed, curling his hand into a fist. "Your 'room' is fifty feet below the surface of this filthy planet's surface, hidden beneath a toilet. I have enough problem with the stupid Dib-stink, I don't need your smelly little pig-friends discovering our secret too!"

"But---"

"_No!_"

Zim was silent for a moment, while Amethyst stood behind him, still looking annoyed. "And besides," the faux-Invader added after a moment, "what is the point of this..._stuuupid_hyuman ritual anyway? Birth-days. _RIDICULOUS!_ The day of your birth was no different than any other day, except that now _you_ were here. And since you've been here every single day _since,_ I really don't see what makes the 24th any different than any other day of the last year."

"But it's the anniversary!" Amethyst moaned, kicking futilely at the ground. "It'll be one whole year since I was born! Doesn't that _mean_ anything to you?"

"Yes. It means I've had a very good year. If a bothersome one," he added under his breath. "But my point remains. Irkens don't get 'birth-days.' It's a stupid custom best left to the hyumans to waste their own time with. Why, even I, the amazing _ZIM!,_ have never had a birthday, and _my_ birth was a _truly _momentous occasion!"

"I thought your birthday _was_an Irken holiday," Amethyst said, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes," Zim said, as the door slid open to his main lab, "but that was of my _accomplishments _that day_._ Why, I managed to crash an entire civilization!" he said proudly, puffing out his chest. "Now, you go do something _that_ impressive, and maybe you can get your own little holiday."

And with that, the doors closed between them, leaving Amethyst to kick the ground bitterly again and go up, muttering, to the upper parts of the base.

* * *

"WHEE-HEE-HEE-HOO! LOOKA'ME! I'S A FLYIN' POTATO!"

"_GIR! Get back here!_"

Zim raced past the aisles of staring shoppers, then leapt through the air, landing hard on the polished linoleum and bruising his squeedlysquooch in the process. However, he _also _managed to grab the leash trailing from GIR's neck, and the little "dog" was suddenly unable to run, though he continued to try, racing in place as though not realizing he could no longer move forward.

Zim slowly got to his feet and pulled on GIR's leash to bring him back to him. "_Ugh!_ You stupid little---stupid! You made me run halfway across the store!"

"But I gots to get to the frozen food section! The princess is trapped in the bacon!"

"GIR, that's the stupidest thing you've said this hour." Zim shook his head, looking around. "Where are we, anyway?"

"Ooh! Pictures!" Zim let out a cry as GIR suddenly ran forward again, dragging him into the nearest aisle. He snatched something from the shelf, opening it up. "Lookee! This one has a monkey on it! _And it's wearin' a hat! _HEEHEEHEEHEE!" GIR fell onto the floor, giggling and rolling around. Zim sighed, then snatched the item from GIR's nubby hand and examined it for a moment.

It was a card, a simple, stupid hyuman greeting-thing, and as GIR had indicated it had a picture of the Angry Monkey on it, looking as _horrible _as ever but now wearing a party hat and standing behind a cake (which made it look even _MORE_ horrible!) _HAPPY BIRTHDAY! _was written at the top of the picture in big raised letters. Zim shuddered.

"Stupid hyuman garbage..."

"I'd like one like _that,_ please."

Zim let out a small gasp, tilting his head to one side as a familiar voice drifted down the aisle to his hidden antennae. Unfortunately, GIR heard the voice too. He abruptly stopped laughing and looked up. "Ooh! Is the Big-Head Boy! HI BIG HEAD!"

"No, GIR, don't you---_AGH!_"

Once again Zim was dragged behind his idiotic minion, this time to a small little shop right next to the aisle filled with the stupid cards. Just as Zim had suspected, the Dib-monkey was there, drumming his fingers on the counter while apparently waiting for the store-drone to return. Until GIR tackled him in a hug around the midriff, that is.

"_Agh!_"

"HI DIB! How you doin'? You got any taquitos? OOH! Did yo' head get bigger since the last time we talked?"

"My head's not big! Get off!" Dib shoved GIR away, grimacing; Zim pulled GIR back just as Dib looked up, glaring . "Well, hello, _Zim. _Nice to see you ag---why are you dressed up as an old man?"

"Huh? Oh, sometimes I just like to use another disguise, you know, mix it up a bit---I mean, uh, why are _YOU _dressed up as an old man, huh?!"

"...I'm not."

"Yeah-huh!"

"No, I'm _not, _Zim."

"Yeah-huh!"

"No, Zim, I'm _not!_"

"Your face is!"

"That doesn't even---oh, whatever. What are you doing here anyway? And" he raised an eyebrow, pointing, "why are you holding a birthday card?"

"What?!"

Zim realized he was still holding the card GIR had taken from the rack; growling, he crumpled it in his hands and threw it angrily away. He didn't really care about destruction of store property or littering or anything. After all, he was EVIL!

"This? This is nothing but hyuman stupidity. _Birth-days. _Phooey." He stuck out his tongue, then suddenly jabbed his finger angrily at Dib's chest. "And you! You and your stupid smelly pig-race, infecting my daughter with your...smelly pig-race ideas! She's been doing nothing but bugging me for a _stuuuupid_ birthday party all week!"

"Huh, is her birthday coming up? Has it really been a year of you two annoying me already?" Then his eyes suddenly shot wider, then narrowed, and he spun around to take his standard 'yelling at Zim and poised to attack him if necessary' pose. "Hey, wait a minute! _Birthday party? _Yeah right! What kind of party, Zim? One where you---brainwash all the guests with alien technology, or steal all their organs for your weird---alien organ-stealing machines?! What's your plan, Zim?!"

"_Pffft._" Zim slapped the finger Dib had extended away. "Fear not, pathetic Dib-worm. There will be no _par-tee._ I have forbidden my daughter from holding any such ridiculous activities."

"Huh?" Dib dropped his standard 'fighting' pose in favor of his standard 'confused' one. "You're not celebrating Amethyst's birthday? At all?"

"Of course not."

Dib just stared at him for a moment. "Huh."

"What huh?"

"Well, nothing. It's just that, if nothing _else,_ I thought you at least loved your daughter."

Zim's mouth fell open. "_Hey!_ I love my daughter! ---A lot more than you love _yours, _anyway!"

"Zim, I'm thirteen. I don't have a daughter."

"Your face doesn't!"

"Zim, that made even less sense _now_ than when you said it two minutes ago!"

"Well, what does a stupid birthday have to do with anything?!" Zim shot back, crossing his arms over his chest. "It's just some stupid day on _your _pathetic Earth-calendar. What should it matter for?!"

"Because, Zim, if Amethyst is really important to you you should care about the day she was born!" Dib said, throwing up his hands and feeling annoyed. "I mean, there are some humans who don't celebrate birthdays either, for religious reasons or because they feel old or whatever, but you're acting like you just don't _care._ If Amethyst's birth was important to you, the anniversary should at least mean---_something__._ I mean, I didn't realize you Irkens were _that_ inhuman!"

While Zim would normally have taken _inhuman _to be a compliment, he couldn't help but feel defensive at Dib's obviously-pejorative use of the word. He crossed his arms, turning away. "Every Irken smeet is the same until they have proven themselves otherwise. Just as every day is the same. Amethyst's birth-day is no more significant to me than any other."

Dib rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

Just then, the absent worker reappeared, carrying a large assortment of white Earth-plants. "Here ya are, kid," she said. "Last ones we had in stock."

"Thanks," Dib said, placing his monies in her hand as he took up the large bouquet. As she began to put the cash away and Dib began to leave, Zim quirked an eye. "What are those?" he asked suspiciously, following him away from the counter.

Dib turned to give him a cold look. "Lilies," he said simply. "They were my mother's favorite flower. Now if you'll _excuse_ me" he turned around again "I have an anniversary of my _own_ to go celebrate. In a cemetery," he added in a dry mutter that Zim couldn't really make out.

And with that he swept out of the store, leaving a somewhat confused Zim staring after him.

* * *

"Stupid Dib-worm with his stupid...ness. I mean, can you believe the stupid words of stupidity he stupidly said? Huh?"

"_Zzzzzzz..._"

"_COMPUTER!_"

"_But all the other kids get ponies!_ Huh? Where am I?"

"Er---_LISTEN TO ME!_"

"But I don't _want to!_" the Computer almost sobbed. "You've been talking for _hours!_"

"As if I need any more annoyances...stupid Dib and his talk of _'anniversaries'_...it's stupid, isn't it? _ISN'T IT?!_"

"Sure, Zim! Whatever! Can I please just go back to sleep mode?"

"I mean, it's not like anything important even happens on a stupid anniversary, does it? What's the whole point?"

"Well, I _think_ the idea is to count the passage of time, or something," the Computer muttered, giving up its hopes of returning to sleep. "I mean, the Control Brains still keep all the records of that sort of thing."

"Yes, but just for utilitarian purposes. Not to throw stupid little parties and wear ridiculous hats and eat _CAKES COVERED IN FLAMES!_"

"Mm-hmm." The Computer, more or less ignoring him, began to display a list of Irken letters on its screen. Zim shot it a look.

"What is that?"

"Huh? Oh, just a list of important things that happened in history today."

"Why are you looking that up?"

"I dunno. If you're gonna keep _talking _about it, I might as well...hmm, did you know today is the day Tallest Lilliput died?"

Zim snorted. "That was over three hundred years ago. Who cares?"

"And it's the anniversary of when Vortian scientists first discovered the Dooky Dimension."

"Yeah, _that's_ definitely worth celebrating."

"And the anniversary of when combined Irken and Utopian forces managed to defeat the...ooh."

Zim quirked an antennae. "What?"

"Um, nothing." The screen instantly went black. "Anyway---_aauuggh_---I'm tired. Better shut down before I overheat---"

"STOP! Bring that screen back up!"

"But I---"

"_COMPUTER!_"

It sighed. "_Fine._ It's your deep-seated mental anguish, not mine."

The screen flicked back on. Zim approached it slowly, head turned slightly to one side.

_One Year Ago -- Combined Irken and Utopian forces managed to defeat the Matrixsys at the Battle of the Big Scary Laser Thingy, killing their leader and causing their entire Armada to self-destruct. (Which was _**really cool,** _incidentally.) The Utopian princess was the only casualty of the battle. Well, except for the Matrixsys, but they were all stupid anyway. LOL!_

Zim's antennae drooped. "The battle? But...that would mean...

"...Crystal..."

Zim turned away from the screen, eyes down. The Computer sighed, retracting the screen into the ceiling as Zim said dully in his control seat.

It made sense, now that Zim thought about it...it was close to Amethyst's birthday, and she had only been born a few weeks after her mother died. (Yeah, I know. There was time-travel involved, it's weird, don't even try to understand it.) But it hadn't occurred to him that the anniversary would be so close...he glanced over at the clock on another computer screen, counting the time in Irken numerals. It was almost midnight, he realized. He had almost managed to go the entire day without even realizing what it was.

For a moment, Zim sat there silently, feeling as though his squeedly-squooch had been hallowed out and then stabbed repeatedly with an evil spork. "Computer," he said finally, "bring me up the repository of all known human cultural data."

The Computer sighed again. "Weekeepeedea. Got it."

* * *

Amethyst's room was dark when he came in. It was also a mess---the floor seemed to be covered in papers, most of them with party plans or else plans for how she might be able to throw a party at all without Zim finding out. Amethyst had clearly been thinking about this a lot in the past few days. At the moment, however, she was sleeping soundly in her own bed. Her SIR unit Kierra's bed was empty; she was probably off reading somewhere.

Zim shook his daugther softly. "Amethyst?"

She groaned slightly and shifted away from him. Zim shook her again. "Amethyst?"

"Ugh..."

Zim scowled as she pulled away again. "_AMETHYST!!!_" he screamed, dropping his soft tone in an instant so that she screamed and jumped so high she almost hit the ceiling.

"AGH! GIR, I told you not to---Dad?" She raised an eyelid (looking almost exactly like Zim as she did so, despite her blue eyes). "What are you doing here?"

Zim cleared his throat. "_Ahem._ Amethyst, I've been thinking, and, uh...I've decided...I've decided..."

His voice trailed off. Amethyst stared at him. "...Yeah?"

"I've decided...that...youcanhaveastupidhyumanbirthdaypartythingafterall," Zim said quickly, then tried to stand up quickly to make a hasty retreat.

Amethyst gasped, grabbing his arm to hold him back. "Really?!" she said, her eyes wide and shining. "You mean it?!"

"Yes. _BUT UNDER THESE CONDITIONS!_" he suddenly screamed, pointing up at the ceiling. "First of all, you can invite one---ONLY ONE!---child to spend the night here. And that child has to be Paige."

"Can I invite two?"

"Two?! Who else would you want to invite?"

"I dunno. It just doesn't seem like much of a party with only one person."

"NO."

"Pleeeeeaaaaase? Pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty _pleee---_"

"ALRIGHT! Two."

"Can I invite three?"

"AMETHYST!"

"Alright, alright, sorry."

"Secondly," Zim said, holding up two fingers dramatically, "we will have to move you into an upstairs room for this occasion. I'm not letting your little hyuman playmates see my fantastic evil base."

"Of course. Ooh! Do I get a cake?"

"What?! How am I supposed to do that? Any hyuman cake would burn you if you tried to eat it, and for all we know, if a hyuman were to eat Irken food their stomach might explode and---well, yes, I suppose you can have a cake. BUT A SMALL ONE!"

"Why small?"

"Because I'll be taking GIR out for a walk while you eat it, and it has to be _GONE_ by the time we get back. And he is not allowed to _EVER_ know about this, understand?!"

"Yeah, that's probably for the best."

"And finally, whoever you pick for your other guest, he CANNOT be a boy, you understand?! I've read horrible, sick, _disturbing _things about boys attending these sleepovers..."

"I don't want any stupid boys over anyway! Oh Dad!" Zim suddenly found himself in a very tight, organ-crushing hug. "Thank you! This is gonna be the best birthday ever, I just know it!"

Despite himself Zim smiled, running his hands through his daughter's antennae. "Somehow, Amethyst, I think you're right."

* * *

**Aaaaand that was longer than I thought it would be. But anyway! I hope you enjoyed, IZ, and everyone else who chose to read this. Please review!**


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